Black Sea – Review (*** 1/2)

Posted on December 7, 2014

Despite its low marketing presence and bizarre decision to completely forego the festival circuit, Kevin Macdonald’s (Touching the Void, The Last King of Scotland) submarine-set thriller wrings plenty of tension out of its gleefully old-school set-up, and despite the occasional misstep, is a visceral ride well worth taking.

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Jingle All the Way 2 – Review (* 1/2)

Posted on December 2, 2014 Updated on December 2, 2014

The already-dubious WWE Studios label delivers yet another belated movie sequel nobody really wanted in the first place, as Larry the Cable Guy steps into Arnold Schwarzenegger’s role for another tired rock around the Christmas tree in Jingle All the Way 2.

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Annabelle – Review

Posted on October 10, 2014 Updated on October 10, 2014

Veteran horror film cinematographer John R. Leonetti (Child’s Play 3, Piranha 3D, the Insidious series and The Conjuring) directs his third feature film (following the risible Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and The Butterfly Effect 2) yet, like his prior efforts, has been saddled with a bare bones script which denies him the chance to deliver an effort rising above awful. This lame spin-off from last year’s smash horror hit The Conjuring is a tired patchwork of films like Rosemary’s Baby and Child’s Play, satisfying as an homage to neither.

Taking place a year before the events of James Wan’s film, Annabelle introduces us to expectant parents John Gordon (Ward Horton) and his wife Mia (Annabelle Wallis), and one day, John gives the titular doll to Mia as a gift. Soon thereafter, a violent altercation between their neighbours spills into their own home, leaving the neighbours dead, just as a drop of blood from the female assailant spills onto the doll. Creeped out by Annabelle, John and Mia throw her away and move house to get a fresh start, but of course, the doll mysteriously returns, as a series of increasingly disturbing events take place in their new homestead, threatening the life of their newborn daughter Lea.

Even the most devoted fans of The Conjuring won’t take much convincing to admit that Annabelle is a relatively flimsy premise with which to milk horror fans’ goodwill; though Wan’s film was itself relatively conventional, it benefited from strong actors, well-defined, likeable characters and sharp direction, none of which bless this hastily-produced spin-off. Still, the worst thing about Annabelle is simply that it’s stunningly dull; no number of telegraphed jump scares can enliven a depressingly self-serious excursion which won’t simply give into its kitschy desires and deliver what everyone wants – another killer doll movie in the vein of Child’s Play.

With a wry sense of humour and certain self-awareness about its own silliness, Annabelle could have been a pleasant surprise; instead, it’s just a 98-minute tease, repeating a tired formula (something creepy happens, cut to a static shot of the doll looking sinister) without any feeling of fun or palpable dread whatsoever. Instead, it’s a banal retread of Polanski’s horror classic with an obvious thematic similarity to the Chucky series, albeit with a totally different (and vastly inferior) execution.

Indifferent performances are also relatively problematic here; leads Horton and Wallis barely make a dent, in part due to the hateful script and because they simply aren’t very interesting to watch, while veteran character actors Tony Amendola and Oscar-nominee Alfre Woodard just about inject some life into proceedings as a concerned priest and the family’s kindly neighbour. Director Leonetti meanwhile stumbles by employing relatively inexperienced lenser James Kniest to perform the duties he usually would; the night-time scenes in particular suffer from a garish, muddy, documentary-like aesthetic which is usually best reserved for neo-noirs (specifically those directed by Michael Man). In a relatively glossy film such as this, it sticks out like a sore thumb, and looks resoundingly amateur.

Though it’s well-rooted in its time and place with plenty of Charles Manson-fueled paranoia, and it temporarily rouses audience interest with a potentially jaw-dropping ending – one which it subsequently chickens out on – Annabelle is about as cynical as contemporary Hollywood horror gets; boring, derivative and effortlessly conceived. Short of a potentially enticing Annabelle vs. Chucky film, it’s best to keep this doll locked up where she belongs (though having already grossed 10-fold its budget at the box office, that isn’t likely).

* 1/2

Annabelle is in cinemas now

Revenge of the Green Dragons – Review

Posted on October 9, 2014 Updated on October 9, 2014

Hong Kong director Andrew Lau (the Infernal Affairs trilogy) makes his second English language feature (alongside newbie filmmaker Andrew Loo) with the Martin Scorsese-executive produced Revenge of the Green Dragons, a disappointingly generic, almost totally tone deaf crime drama camp-fest which might perform well on the perversely accepting midnight movie circuit, though even when watched ironically, it’s ultimately more dull than fun.

Based on Frederic Dannen’s New Yorker article, Lau’s latest is set in Queens, New York in 1983, as best friends Sonny (Justin Chon) and Steven (Kevin Wu) rise up the ranks of the Chinese-American Green Dragons gang after being invited in as kids. In pursuit of the ever-elusive American Dream, the pair aids the team in their war against rival gangs, though once a cardinal rule is broken – not to kill any whites – the mighty arm of the law soon enough begins swiping at the Dragons, with predictably disastrous consequences.

Given the melding of a crime thriller narrative with a coming-of-age story, not to mention the Scorsese link and the addition of Ray Liotta in a supporting role as a racist cop, the Goodfellas comparisons are inevitable, though to place this sloppily-assembled dreck in the same ring as Scorsese’s masterpiece is blasphemous. Despite commendably attempting to highlight a relatively unknown subset of America’s cultural melting pot, the plot quickly loses its way, abandoning logic frequently (a trial against the Dragons is suddenly dropped because the witness “won’t make it through the trial”) and getting increasingly silly as it goes along.

Really, the healthiest way to look at Revenge of the Green Dragons is as a campy comedy; awful dialogue is frequent (“You have a beautiful mouth”, “I died many times in the name of America”, and the already infamous “There’s a storm coming, Detective, and I don’t know of any umbrella that’s gonna keep this city dry.”) and cheesy directorial flourishes such as low-FPS slow-motion and guitar solos that wouldn’t sound of place in a Lethal Weapon movie are sure to provide plenty of guffaws from audiences.

Characterisation is meanwhile ropey throughout – two cop characters appear intermittently with zero development – and an array of poor acting doesn’t help either, with only Liotta, who gets about 15 minutes of screen time, managing to dig himself out of the hole the script puts him in. A wildly unnecessary romance between Sonny and local girl Tina (Shuya Chang) only further pointlessly distends a movie that feels incredibly strained even at its barely 90-minute length.

Though Lau touches on some interesting identity issues and there’s one relatively unexpected twist, the drama ultimately just grinds to a merciful halt by film’s end. More Bugsy Malone than Goodfellas, this tiresome and lazy crime thriller is a major disappointment from the clearly talented Lau (while the jury remains out on Loo).

**

Revenge of the Green Dragons is available on VOD now

Open Windows – Review

Posted on October 2, 2014 Updated on October 2, 2014

Spanish filmmaker Nacho Vigalondo’s (Timecrimes, Extraterrestrial) ambitious third feature sharply observes the ubiquity of our techno-centric society and the dangerous cult of celebrity, though ultimately falls apart with its gaping chasms of logic and incoherent finale.

Nick (Elijah Wood) finds out that he’s won a dinner date with his favourite movie star, Jill Goddard (porn star Sasha Grey), though when he checks into his hotel, he’s informed by a shadowy online presence, Chord (Neil Maskell), that Jill has cancelled the dinner date, much to Nick’s dismay. However, Chord offers him compensation; the ability to secretly watch Jill through her camera phone whenever he wants, though when Chord eventually makes his real intentions clear, Nick realises that he’s put both himself and Jill in huge danger.

If there’s one aspect of Open Windows which unequivocally works, it’s Vigalondo’s impressive style; almost the entire movie takes place on Nick’s laptop screen, and the director’s clever pans between various windows, hurling viewers from footage of Nick, to Jill, to Chord, and to a group of weird French hackers, keeps the suspense coming thick and fast. It does admittedly ask more tech-savvy viewers to completely suspend their disbelief – this movie takes place in a world where dragging and dropping links over a webcam feed will instantly interrupt it – though it’s important to remember that Vigalondo has obviously streamlined the visual interface for maximum efficiency and understanding, so it’s entirely forgivable.

Still, this becomes less tolerable when the absurdity we’re asked to buy into is dialed up to 11 by the mid-way point, as the team of Parisian hackers performs a series of increasingly ridiculous (not to mention monotonous) traces and tricks, and then one final gear-shift too many abounds, as the plot travels down one rabbit hole of silly implausibility too many, leading right to a wildly incomprehensible conclusion.

Though it makes a fine point about the nature of fandom and celebrity privacy – which is especially relevant in the wake of the recent mass celebrity nude leak, “The Fappening” – and both Wood and Grey deliver solid performances, what begins intriguingly enough is likely to wear viewers down with its aggressive silliness and poor handle on what technology is realistically capable of.

** 1/2

Open Windows is available on VOD now